Years ago, I had a brotherly conversation with Kaganzi Brian. It was a discussion he initiated after visiting me at my residence in Kawaala, Kampala District.

Kaganzi cautioned me that, now that I had acquired my own place as a single man, I needed to exercise restraint and not use that freedom to engage in ungodly sex.

I chuckled and, in my defence, told him there was no way that could happen because my bed was very small and metallic—just enough for one person. His response to my defence was enlightening, and it is the focus of this article.

I was recently reminded of Kaganzi’s response after another conversation with a friend. In our discussion, my friend narrated how a sister in the Lord Jesus Christ went to bed with a man who was not her husband. When she was later asked how it had happened, her response was, “I don’t know.”

The question then is: can consensual sex happen without one’s knowledge? A motor vehicle accident caused by speeding may offer some insight.

It all begins with the driver gradually increasing the vehicle’s speed. For a while, the driver remains in control and fully aware of what is happening. However, if they continue to accelerate, there comes a point when they may lose control, and a minor mishap that would have been harmless at a lower speed can turn into a catastrophic accident—one they may not be able to fully explain how it happened.

The same is true of ungodly sex. Some, perhaps naively, create the perfect conditions for it and are later shocked when it happens.

Sex is the result of a process. And in that process, Kaganzi shared with me three ingredients which, if all are present, make sex inevitable unless an extraordinary power intervenes. To his three, I have added one more—drawn from lessons life has taught me. Here they are:

P1: Possibility

The first ingredient for sex is the question: Can it happen? Many people have likened the male and female sexes to fire and ghee. The common caution that follows is: do not bring the two close—unless you intend for the fire to melt the ghee.

With a few exceptions, wherever there is a man and a woman, sex is a possibility. It is important to remember that sex can be a biological act—merely a product of natural processes, as in animals—without affection. However, the absence of affection does not negate its impact and consequences.

We are too weak without Jesus Christ to think that sex is not possible. Possibility is a constant for most of us, and the extent to which it manifests is shaped by the nurturing environments that have formed us into who we are. Unfortunately, many of our environments are so toxic that “possibility” becomes a given. Our only hope is to be deliberate about the controls we establish concerning the other Ps.

P2: Permission

Once the possibility of sex is established, the next step in its materialisation is permission—for consensual sex.

Here, non-verbal communication often reigns supreme as one party makes advances while the other responds receptively—as naturally expected.

It is rare for anyone to say explicitly, “I have given you permission to touch me.” But by one person not resisting the other’s advances, they are, in effect, granting that permission.

P3: Proximity

There is no such thing as long-distance sex. It requires the physical presence of both parties.

This is, therefore, the next ingredient that makes sex possible. Once people have established possibility and permission, the next thing they work on is reducing the distance between them—ideally to zero.

Attempts to achieve the closest proximity may be disguised as 'hands-on', quite literally, pool table lessons or practicals on how to click with a computer mouse, all with the goal of making physical contact.

P4: Privacy

Except for those whose consciences have been seared, people accelerating towards sex will seek privacy for their act—often a major concern for the woman.

This is where plans begin for visits to each other’s residences or for booking rooms in hotels or guest houses.

It is also worth noting that privacy can take two forms. The first is when the parties—who already have possibility, permission, and proximity—are completely hidden from public view.

The second form of privacy is when the two are together without anyone else’s knowledge. In such a case, there is no accountability for their time together.

Attaining either form of privacy places both parties on very slippery ground, and if all three preceding ingredients are in place, the natural outcome is, indeed, sex. The size of your bed, your spiritual beliefs, or any other factor will offer little to prevent this natural outcome.

If you desire sexual purity moving forward, the good news is that, except for Possibility, the other Ps are always within your control. Therefore, always make your choices mindfully, remembering that your right to choose does not extend to the consequences of those choices.

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Acknowledgement: I appreciate Kaganzi Brian for reviewing and contributing to this article.